Charlie Brown, 55

Charles Brown.

The round-headed kid died late on Friday night, missing his first weekend in two years. He was run over by a ice-cream truck while the signal was red outside the McDonalds he had worked at for the last 25 years.

The son of a barber, Charles tried working at Disney World for a few years before being fired because children were uncomfortable around him.

He lived a quiet life with his rock collection and coached the junior league whenever he found the time. He bequeathed his baseball mitt to Peppermint Patty and her partner Marcie.

The hip hop artist Snoopy, his childhood companion, spoke at his funeral: "I remember when I was a World War-I flying ace, meeting all the ladies, going to all those far-away places, Charles here would always wait up with a marshmallow sundae."

After Snoopy left to chase his hip-hop dreams, Charlie took solace in his therapist Lucy Van Pelt. They grew dependent, and Lucy eventually left her life on the road as a groupie for the Beatles to move in with him.

Contrary to popular assumption that the song 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' is about a painting made by John Lenon's son, it was actually Lucy and her satchel of prescription drugs that inspired it.

Charles dreamed of being a rockstar, an ambition Lucy never encouraged. His friends blamed her for stunting his potential growth in the music industry, and many of them had distanced themselves from the couple in the last years.

His family was alarmed when the autopsy reports showed that he suffered from syphilis, since they knew him to be a virgin. His little sister Sally, who teaches at Harvard, came to help Linus build a stone wall around the grave.

A unidentified red-haired girl was heard saying at the funeral held on the pitchers' mound, "I wonder if he ever got my valentine."

Lucy has been helping family members overcome their grief, and is charging 5 cents per session.

--
Mitali Parekh

Amber

On a cold sunday sometime in the few past months, a tragic suicide occurred.

Amber H. (was amongst 3 other people all around the age of 15) was mistaken for a woman who had sexual relations with a married elder man. The woman had spotted Amber and instantly felt anger boiling in her blood; the woman approached amber and told her if she wants to live, she must be a slave to her family for the rest of the woman's life. Amber then laughed and continued on with her friends. Frustrated, the woman broke a wine glass over Amber's head and spit in her face. Amber attacked the woman and the woman retreated to her car and left.

Dumbfounded Amber made her way to the bathroom while reaching for the handle of the door someone inside the restroom pushed the door open with force and the door hit Amber in the head. After a few moments of shock, Amber continued into the bathroom where there she stuck her head under the sink to wet her hair to relieve herself of heat. While her head was under the running water someone came into the bathroom and suprised Amber and her head snapped up. The faucet head made its way inside the back of Amber's head where owners of the cafe say they found her that night.

3 suspects are being held in the local prison for murder. Others say that the death was a mere accident.

When friends and family were told what happened, they laughed and muttered something under their breath. Sounds as if there could be more to the case than what the eye sees.

Sara Lee

Friday Oct.13, 2006, 'Sara Lee', 29, an Arizona native was shot and killed in West Phoenix after a drug deal went bad Det.Barker reports. At bout 2100 hrs on the 31st block of Missouri, there were 3 gunshots heard and witnesses say they heard an argument between a male and female before the shots were heard.

Sara was a loving friend, daughter, granddaughter and mother. She was born Sept. 24 1977 in Phoenix to mother Kathy Lee and father Mark Lee. Friends say Sara always looked unhappy, but once you took the time to get to know her, she was an awesome person with a great heart. She got involved with drugs 4 years ago and tried very hard to get away from them several different times says Stacey, Sara's best friend.

She was taken away from us too soon and we always prayed that things with Sara would eventually get better in time and we would never have to see this day.

We are going to miss her. Things will never be the same without her here for anyone who knew her.

Sara is survived by her precious 3 children Adrianna, Anthony and Cheyanne, both mother and father, Mark and Kathy, 2 brothers, Markie and Kenneth, sister, Melissa, grandmother Corinne and many aunts.

Services will be held on Tuesday, October 17 at Chapel of the Chimes between 4pm-8pm and will be laid to rest Wednesday October 18 at 11am at Rest Haven cemetary located on 63 avenue and Northern.

Kenny Died (again)

Kenny,who lives in South Park Colarado has died today at the age 11. Mel Gibson Shot Him mistaking him for a jew. Now the jews want revenge and need ur help to kill mel gibson. Kenny's funeral will be at Stan Mccormicks house and then the food will be at fat boy Eric Cartman's house. Kenny will be alive on tomorrows episode, where he will die again. thanx for ur time.

Mrs.Cartman a.k.a. Cartman's mom