Thursday, March 30, 2006

Google has found "You Died"

I'm trying to figure out what search terms will turn up this site as a hit in the search results. The most interesting one to date is flight attendant killed while attending wedding. This gives us a postion of 4 on Google, putting the spotlight on our dearly departed Jacqueline.

Should be interesting to see how people find this site in days to come.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Wild Sue, 60

Sue died in a violent domestic act brought on by her evil son-in-law. Homicide detectives are still working the case.

Sue is preceded in death by her parents, her husband of 30 years, most of her in-laws and two children. Murder was relatively common in Sue's family.

A happy child, she attended public schools and was brought up in a loving home by good people. Her life's troubles started in her early teens. Her mother and father had what amounted to a duel but neither survived. This horrific incident scarred Sue and from this point on she led a grim life. When she was 30, she married her childhood sweetheart. They could be seen watching television and sitting on the porch together; their favorite pastimes.

"A while back, we had a block party and all Sue could talk about were the murders that went on in her family." said a close neighbor who wished to remain anonymous. "We [the neighbors] all thought it was all made up stuff, but her untimely death gives us pause" said the neighbor.

At the time of her death she was providing full time care for her daughter's (killed a year ago) child. Her brightest side came out when she was interacting with children. A little brusque, but it was obvious she loved her grandchild and all the kids in the neighborhood.

Sue wasn't much for charity. Condolences should simply be submitted to the comments.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Janeen, 54, Well Balanced

Born on February 10, 1952, on a full moon in an Illinois blizzard in the golden days of Howdie Doody, and later growing up on Florida beaches with rainbows and orange groves, she remembered a collage of red snowsuits and tricycles, snowflakes and bright shells, seaweed, and sunsets. Really a wonderful variety which was never experienced again after her childhood. Raising her own child after a divorce and working full time precluded much more creativity, but it was really the diagnosis of M.S. at age 28 which pretty much stunted her travel abilities. It wasn't wise or safe to go alone, and later, she just got tired. Her son, bright, handsome, and charming, fell into a life of petty crime and spent many years in jail for--- oh, drug related stuff. And she thought well that's not the way I would have done it. But she did love him so.

When she was 18 and a music major in college, Capitol Records bought one of her songs, "Come Morning", and though nothing ever came of it, it remained one of her proudest memories.

While she was still "well balanced", she earned 3 belts in Shaolin Tai Chi which was another proud memory.

She took much pleasure in the happy company of her friends. Her "love life" was usually only half there, with a succession of a few men who were great company and only half available, and it's hard to say...did she really want it that way? She didn't think so, but you never knew. That's not the way she would have done it, either, (as far as she knew.)

She was especially pleased and flattered when, for a little while, people said she looked like Stevie Nicks, because she felt that she had grown up ugly. She did like that Stevie look. And that music.

She also enjoyed regular visits to her friend, "The Psychic Odette".

She was preceded in death by her wonderful parents and by a beautiful dark tortoise shell Persian cat, A.K.A. "The Cat Lilibet". She is survived by her son Benjamin whom she loved the most, and a few friends whom she also loved.

She might be missed by the lady at the drycleaners and maybe the girls at the Clinique counter and at the Salon. She will be missed by her small circle of friends and by acquaintances made at Borders books and music. She enjoyed studying many things, from religion and philosophy to astrology and diet.

She hoped to come back with the option of being a dancer, which was really only a wish to be naturally willow-ey of build and graceful. She will miss everyone tremendously and would look forward to seeing you all again.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Becky, 28, Dressed in Black, Friend of Many

Rebecca Davis (Shreswbury) suddenly died March 26th in her home at the computer.
Apparently after getting into an argument with her online boyfriend.
She was a kind-hearted person, misunderstood alot.
She always wore black clothing and did act weird at times, but she was a great person.
She was originally from Beckley WV.
She was divorced with no children and she was going on 29 yrs old, her birthday was coming up on April 17th.
Her maiden name was Shrewsbury, and she had left behind her two dogs Smokey and Nikki, that she thought of as her children.
She lived in Ironton Ohio, with her mother.
She was sitting at her computer talking to her online boyfriend, and apprently them two had a huge argument, and he had told her she was pathetic and it hurt her feelings, we are unsure what had caused her untimely death, there is an autopsy being done to determine her cause of death, if it was an overdose or a broken heart.
Her friend Jenny will be singing Amazing Grace at her Wake next Friday.
She will be dearly missed by everyone.
She said if she had ever passed that she wanted to have a black funeral.
Meaning everything being in black.
She had thoughts of cremation, but had decided to go with a burial instead.
Funeral will be held at the Ironton Boat Docks.
On april 1st at 2:00pm in the afternoon.
Friends and Family welcome.
Please bring your own food and beverages, we are a poor community.
Please note, close friends of Becky, she would have liked it if you were to leave a little sumthin sumthin for her in her casket.
She will be sadly missed.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Liddy, 26

Liddy Walsh tragically passed on March 24, 2006 when the vehicle she was driving was run off the side of Highway 87 and flipped into the ravine below, leaving a hole in the hearts of those who knew her. Liddy will always be remembered for her inquisitive nature, quick smile, and love for everyone she met.

Liddy grew up in Capital, caught up in the political scene from an early age. She was a National Honor Society member at Capital High School before going on to college at Ivy University. Liddy went to law school at South University and has been practicing law at Boutique Firm, L.L.P. ever since.

Liddy's passions included sailing, tennis, dancing, and she was an avid reader. Always politically active, Liddy even traveled to Ohio to monitor the 2004 presidential elections. In college, Liddy worked as a paramedic and later as a horse trainer. She was a woman of many interests, but her secret ambition was to study architecture and photography. She would have loved to live a life of idleness and dissipation.

Though never married, Liddy is survived by her very close friend and former boyfriend James, her clandestine married lover David, her oldest and dearest friends Lanie and Hannah, and numerous others who she adored. Liddy was preceded in death by her dear friend Rob whom she hopes to meet in heaven. Liddy always believed that your family is not always the people you are related to, and showed that to her friends whom she loved so dearly.

Liddy's family, Mom, Dad, and Brother will miss Liddy more than she will ever know. In lieu of flowers, Liddy's family asks that those who knew Liddy attend the funeral she always wished she could have. Services will be held at the Dance Hall on Saturday night, 7 p.m. Barbeque, beer, live music, and designated drivers will be provided.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Queen Tammy Wannabe Wannabe, age unknown (she never would tell us)

Tammy Wannabe Wannabe, a Queen in every sense of the word, departed this life on Sunday, March 19th at the Hilton Hotel in Jackson, Mississippi. Tammy spent her last hours on earth perched on a barstool oogling the undertakers who were gathering for a Mortician's Convention, which was conveniently just setting up shop when she "passed" (read: fell over and died, y'all!). An overdose of PigCandy and Cheese Grits is suspected.

Her last wish was to be cremated and shot out of a cannon. Since her slack-azz family cannot be relied upon to carry out this final task, her friends, the Sweet Potato Queens Wannabe Wannabe's are going to take over this chore. A memorial service and honorary crawfish boil in her honor will be held at Homer's Bar-B-Que on High St. in Jackson, Mississippi and will commence on Friday, March 24th at 6pm. Bikers, Queens and stripper poles will be present to add to the ambience of this somber ceremony.

Tammy's last days on earth were filled with friends, laughter, music and dancing. Also, hot wangs and tequila shots. While Tammy's behavior in the last few days was, understandably outlandish, her friends all agreed "love her hair, hope she wins!" they sorrowfully stated, when asked for comments on Tammy's demise. Tammy's friends have Promised to make sure she is remembered fondly by always wearing Cute Shoes and shaving everything that needs to be shaved, everyday, in her honor. "Tammy would've wanted it that way" sobbed a friend, as Tammy was taken away in a Hot Pank Wambulance to the tune of "She's a Brick House" playing softly in the background.

In leiu of flowers, Tammy's friends have requested donations be made to something called "likker funds".

Thursday, March 23, 2006


Today at 3:20 am Saturday November 22nd 2009 saw the death of J.M.Herrmann. J.M. Herrmann is survived by his wife Danielle, step-daughter Darcy, Melanee Ulle his mother and Kathleen his sister. J.M. has for the past 7 years resided in Sydney, Australia and was formerly of Conneaut, Ohio.

J.M Herrmann was found in the National Park where he apparently visited to wait for his time. No cause was found for his death, and the State Coroner is ruling it as suspicious. J.M. Herrmann was a graduate of Conneaut High School, and had made a career in the Security Industry. There will be a closed casket ceremony at an as yet undisclosed location. The body seems to be in poor state as it was mauled by local wild dogs.

J.M. Herrmann has left behind a will stipulating that instead of flowers a grove of willow trees are to be planted in his home town. Condolences may be addressed to D7/2B Mowbray Street, Sydney, Australia.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Beth Himmel, 94, Librarian

Beth Himmel, a librarian at the Baltimore Metropolitan Library for over 50 years, passed away quietly in her home last Tuesday, surrounded by loving family and friends. She was 94 years old. Having feared death for most of her life, her final words, "This isn't so bad," delighted those who were with her in the end.

Beth leaves behind her loving husband of 63 years, Marvin Spooner, and her only daughter Anne Spooner. She will also be missed by her five grandchildren, Mary, James, Jo, David, and Laura Singpurwalla, and her golden retriever Gauss.

Beth was born and raised in a small town in Iowa that you never heard of, by very conservative parents. She left Iowa joyfully to attend Northwestern University, where she earned a B.A. in Literature and her Ph.D. in Library Science. She wrote many scholarly articles and received many awards for her service, but always said that her greatest work was raising her daughter Anne, and her greatest joy was spending time with her family. Long a confirmed atheist and secular humanist, Beth insisted that we should all try to do good for each other and be the best people we could be in this life, and not hold out for something better after death.

A celebration of her life will be held at 3:30 Saturday afternoon, at O'Shaunessy's Irish Pub in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. In lieu of flowers, Beth asked that you make a generous contribution to your local public school, or spend an afternoon picking up trash in your neighborhood.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Jacqueline, 44, Flight Attendant, Mother

Jacqueline was mauled by a gang of angry rotweilers while out on a walk last Thursday.

Jacqueline was born in Dearborn Michigan and knew from the age of approximately 3 years she would be going places. A lot of places. She decided not to finish high school and quit while in the tenth grade to help out her family make ends meet by getting a job. She worked mostly low level service jobs until a help wanted advertisement lured her to American Airlines. She was only 18.

Twenty years ago, flying was infinitely more special than it is now and the role of a flight attendant (or dare I say stewardess) was considered a position of some prestige. The patrons dressed nice for their flights and received substantially more than a bag of peanuts on their voyage.

The next year was busy for Jacqueline; she married her boyfriend, Hector (whom she had been dating for some years), had a baby girl (Carmella), finished flight school and made the bold move to pursue her dream of travel.

Hector was stably employed as a carpet installer and their daughter was cared for during the day by a neighbor and good friend of the family.

Initially, Jacqueline made short stops just flying about the Midwest. Although the flights were only brief hops, Jacqueline found the job exhilirating. The hectic pace, constant interaction with the travelers and hustle and bustle of the airports was something Jacqueline thrived on. She slowly moved up the ranks and by her fifth year, she was flying cross-country and staying in some exciting cities. Once, when her daughter was only 5, she purchased her a seat and took her to San Francisco. Together, they flew, dined at Chinatown and took the trolley about the city. Her daughter seemed to like to travel as well.

Interestingly, the more Jacqueline flew to other cities the more she grew to like Dearborn, the city she swore from an early age she'd leave. Gradually, it became more of home than she'd ever imagined it would be. It is where she stayed with her family the rest of her life and where her survivors will remain.

As Jacqueline grew older in the skies, she felt some sadness toward her profession. The newer flight attendants seemed more surly and she sometimes felt like a peanut distributor. The travelers weren't interested in the excitement of the air transport but simply wanted to get somewhere. Although she never lost her passion for motherhood, Carmella grew up and went her own way and Jacqueline's lust for life seemed to have fallen through the cracks. Her greatest joy was and remained her stably employed, rock-of-stability husband who would hold down the fort in her absence and always be there for her. She will dearly miss her family.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Darcy, 15, High School Student

So this is my obituary:

This Monday, March 20th, Darcy, 15, tragically died. She was found by her mother hanging in her room. She was a freshman at her high school.

Darcy was thought by most to be kind and, at times, very giving. Although she had many friends no one could give any perspective on why she did it. "She was always so happy, always laughing," said her friend Sarah.

She left a note, a vague sign of why she would do this. It read, "he made me feel so bad that i did this and he doesn't even know how much i care." What this means is anyone's guess. On the outside no one would ever guess she would be capable of this. What demons was this innocent girl hiding? What boy haunted her past so badly that she felt the need to take her life?

She will be missed by her many friends, parents, sister, and hopefully by the person she loved so dearly.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Randall, 32

Randall was found in a hotel room in Boston. His death was apparently caused from an overdose of drugs washed down with heavy amounts of beer. "No one thought he would ever die of old age." said a close friend.

Randall lived a wild life. Most obits glamorize the individual's social productivity but Randall was different. A wild kid that never grew up. His fatal flaw was his alcoholism. He could go for weeks without a drink. He could hold down a job, no sweat. But, once he started drinking, he could drink a case of beer and more. All that stopped him was passing out.

While drunk, he was happy and often listened to tunes with headphones at volumes that would damage anyone else's hearing. He thought Ted Nugent losing the hearing in one ear from his loud music was a minor price to pay.

He underwent detox many times, but soon returned to drinking. In the end, he was taking quite a few psychoactive drugs in an attempt to get back on his feet. He ultimately used them to get a better high with drinking.

Randall was born in the Boston area. He lost his mother to cancer when he was only 12. This had a profound impact on the rest of his short life.

He and his best friend in crime, Dante, would try anything. They drank together - lots - taking off school if necessary. They broke into warehouses in Boston just to see what it'd feel like to escape getting caught; anything for a rush. When they were younger, after the snow melted and the streets were covered with sand, they would grab on the bumper of slow moving vehicles and "surf" down streets rolling along on the sand.

He had a twisted sense of humor and would do anything to make his best friend laugh to the point of wetting his pants - literally. This was the point in which he considered the humor a success. He would scream blood-curdling calls in the street to his friend in large crowded areas, grab the microphone at Burger King and burp or spout obscenities, drop backwards and walk like a spider in the middle of crowded stores and run up to strange men at traffic stops and yell "Dad, Dad, is that you?". His humor was often "successful".

While still in high school, he promised his best friend they would someday buy homes together way out in the woods so they could crank Aerosmith and not worry about what any fucking one else said about the loud music. He swore a lot and had no intention of changing that habit.

His best friend was his best man at his wedding. He fathered a baby girl but early on he and his wife separated. Undoutedly due to the alcoholism.

He was so alive and so troubled.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Golf Widow

On March 17th, in Ankh Morpork. Golf Widow, formerly of Earth and a recent transportee to Discworld, was killed yesterday in a freak quaffing accident at the tavern. Her demise involved several pints of stout, a giraffe, and a set of darts.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Golf Widow Scholarship at Unseen University, of which Golf Widow was not a graduate, but wished she was.

She is survived by her parents, her brother, and her husband the golfer, who will now be known as the Golf Widow's Widower. Sympathy cards may be directed to the comments section.

Golf Widow elaborated here. Thanks Golf Widow.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


Janice was killed in a car accident on 16-Mar-2006 at the horribly young age of 16. She was a senior in high school and is survived by her dear Mother and Father.

She had long blond hair and was considered by many to be quite pretty. She had several boyfriends. Although she was not the most popular girl in school she received good grades, was involved in many activities including the chess club, a member of the yearbook staff and participated for a season on the girls' gymnastics team in her sophomore year.

At the point of her untimely death she was off to Johnson and Wales University where she would have studied to become a chef with a specialty in baking. This career path was instilled at an early age in the kitchen of her parents who were obsessed with all things food.

She will be sorely missed by many.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

John, 42, Editor

John, 42, was killed yesterday in a steamroller accident. He is survived by his wife and daughter of nearly 3 years of age and father, mother, two sisters and brother.

John was a loving father and husband.

He was born and raised in a small city near Boston where he attended public schools, graduated with a B.S. in chemistry from the a state school in Boston and a Ph.D. in organic chemistry from a large midwestern university. He met his loving wife (a professor) while pursuing graduate studies. Their dwellings and respective academic departments were next to each other. They met when he invited her over for turkey dogs. He worked for at least a decade in the pharmaceutical industry in various capacities and finally settled as an Editor in a large database midwestern database company.

This midwestern city was also the place where he and his wife gave birth to and raised their lovely daughter. John could be seen with his family frequently on Saturday mornings at the science museum letting his daughter run off some energy.

He had many hobbies including brewing beer, baking, playing the viola, blogging, playing with his family, attending open mic nights and generally keeping busy.

He suffered from depression and anxiety, severe at times, and deeply regrets the manifestations of this disease into his personal life and loves, he had little control over these things. His biggest regrets were not experiencing the growth of his daughter and the maturation of his relationship with his lifelong partner. He had many friends and also regrets not spending more time cultivating these precious relationships.

John chose to be cremated in the least expensive way. He was frugal and shall remain so through eternity. His ashes will be scattered by the local river.

DIY Obituary

Sounds a bit morbid but try it.

Writing your own obituary can be an interesting way to step back from your hectic life, reflect and appreciate what you have. If your life hasn't been what you wanted, use this to try to make some changes. Read some in your local newspaper to get a feel for the format but don't be too concerned with what it should look like. Write whatever you want. Just imagine you died and write what others would want to know about you. The exercise is a bit scary but is actually kind of fun.

Why the anonymity? It doesn't have to be. You can sign it with your name or site's url but a piece like this might scare your loved ones; putting it in your own blog might give others the wrong message (ie, a suicide note). So, publish it here and look back on it from time to time. If you want to pull it back out and look at in the future, put some kind of code in the subject line (title of post),

e.g.: John (x345),

so you can search it via the navbar at the top of the page. Unless this gets wildly popular, I'll publish them all. When you email your submission, it will go into a que and I'll publish it within a day or two (I may make minor edits and do some spell-checking). Also, if you have any regrets, email me and I'll delete it.

You can communicate with me via the comments section or email me at your_obituary at yahoo dot com. Have fun.

p.s: Please attach an image that characterizes you.