Friday, March 24, 2006

Queen Tammy Wannabe Wannabe, age unknown (she never would tell us)

Tammy Wannabe Wannabe, a Queen in every sense of the word, departed this life on Sunday, March 19th at the Hilton Hotel in Jackson, Mississippi. Tammy spent her last hours on earth perched on a barstool oogling the undertakers who were gathering for a Mortician's Convention, which was conveniently just setting up shop when she "passed" (read: fell over and died, y'all!). An overdose of PigCandy and Cheese Grits is suspected.

Her last wish was to be cremated and shot out of a cannon. Since her slack-azz family cannot be relied upon to carry out this final task, her friends, the Sweet Potato Queens Wannabe Wannabe's are going to take over this chore. A memorial service and honorary crawfish boil in her honor will be held at Homer's Bar-B-Que on High St. in Jackson, Mississippi and will commence on Friday, March 24th at 6pm. Bikers, Queens and stripper poles will be present to add to the ambience of this somber ceremony.

Tammy's last days on earth were filled with friends, laughter, music and dancing. Also, hot wangs and tequila shots. While Tammy's behavior in the last few days was, understandably outlandish, her friends all agreed "love her hair, hope she wins!" they sorrowfully stated, when asked for comments on Tammy's demise. Tammy's friends have Promised to make sure she is remembered fondly by always wearing Cute Shoes and shaving everything that needs to be shaved, everyday, in her honor. "Tammy would've wanted it that way" sobbed a friend, as Tammy was taken away in a Hot Pank Wambulance to the tune of "She's a Brick House" playing softly in the background.

In leiu of flowers, Tammy's friends have requested donations be made to something called "likker funds".

15 condolences:

Someone said...

Few will be missed more than Tammy, rip girl.

Anonymous said...

uhh....way to make fun of Mississippi.
Stuff like that never happens.


Someone said...

It's fiction, lighten up.

silly me said...

While the "death" was fiction, I can PROMISE you that stuff like this does indeed happen, the third weekend in March, every year.

Jackson Mississippi has the third largest St. Paddy's Day Parade in the country, and the Sweet Potato Queens and their Wannabe's and their Wannabe Wannabe's converge to party that weekend away.

Anyone who doesn't "get it" needs to get themselves to the bookstore and purchase The Sweet Potato Queens Book Of Love, the first of 4 books penned by Jill Conner Brown. You will die laughing. I Promise.

Someone said...

That's it, I'm coming down there next year to settle this. See you then.

silly me said...

Ohhh... can't wait! Meetcha at Hilton Hotel bar! I'll be the one wearing the tiara. *wink*

The Good Reverend said...

I love hot wangs.

Someone said...

Everyone likes hot wangs.

Reverend, you of all people, should submit.

Susan @ YOW said...

Tammy's friends have Promised to make sure she is remembered fondly by always wearing Cute Shoes and shaving everything that needs to be shaved, everyday, in her honor.

So funny! I was dying reading about poor Queen Tammy.

patty said...

Those Sweet Potato Queens are some really naaaasty women.

They must sit on their fat butts watching afternoon porn videos and drinking lighter fluid.

Talk about some ignorant, in-bred women. That message board of screwed up people is worth looking into just to bring up their cumulative I.Q. It's currently hovering in the semi-tropical region.

silly me said...

Patty, Bless Your Heart, we cannot help it if you haven't been laid in 27 years.

Someone said...

This is getting good.

silly me said...

"Someone", you are cordially invited to go on over to the Sweet Potato Queens Message Board of Love and introduce yourself.

They will love you. And they don't bite. Much.

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