Shannon, 30

Mlle. Shannon Vaughn, 30 of Greenville, North Carolina went to the Lord on March 16, 2008.

A brutally hard worker, as all high school teachers are, Shannon was dedicated to her students. She taught English at D. H. Conley High School always taking time to create lesson plans as unique as the curriculum would allow. Once she created a crossover lesson plan combining the experimental physics with a writing exercise address the inadequacy of most scientists' writing. It was efforts like this she was most remembered for and efforts like this that created stress to the point it manifested as an unknown disease. She was hospitalized and died during the night while with many family members. Her students, whom she was so dedicated, will miss her as much as family. Her commitment was unrivaled by anyone at Conley.

She will join Pookie, her cherished Pug, in the afterlife. They will romp the fields and Pookie will poop wherever he wants while they frolic.

She wished she could have disengaged a bit more from the creative lesson plan preparation and the concern she had for students' lives, but little did she realize realized her efforts were appreciated more than she imagined. There were several hundred students at the funeral. It was a short but rich life.

Bammie Did it Her Way, 114

After the earth orbited the sun one hundred fourteen times, Bammie "Dame Mimmy" gracefully hovered from enlightenment to Enlightenment where she will join and be welcomed by those who preceded her. She is now in the company of St. Nancy and Paul F. Esquire who arrived a few months ago to start the celebration.

While dancing with her dark, mysterious lover in the shadows of a moonlit tower in Emillia Romagna, she took a fall resulting in a fatal skull fracture.

Bammie may have been considered a bad girl in her youth, but by the time she was older, she commanded respect and love from all who knew her. Notably, she was a loving mother to two beautiful children and cherished friend to anyone who took the time to know her; Thelma will miss her dearly.

She was a strong woman of many pursuits. A tireless writer, her work peaked with the inspirational bestseller "Hot Girl Soup: The Good Girl's Guide to Being Bad in Your 30's and 40's." And, oh was she bad. The highly acclaimed novel was believed by critics to have transformed a generation of "not quite mid-lifers" into women of extraordinary strength who claimed their well-deserved power and made the world more loving, peaceful and harmonious. At least, that's what she thoroughly believed while sipping wine and smoking on the beach dangling her feet in the gentle surf with Thelma.

"In the great centre of cosmic creation, where all is bliss, no words are necessary, and there is only LOVE."

Lord Michale Radcliffe, 277

Lord Michale "Lord Mike" Radcliffe pissed one too many times. Lord Mike hailed from the lush land of Nelson B.C. Canada and after many years proceeded to go straight to hell.

Lord Radcliffe lived a full life. A damn full life of two hundred and seventy seven years. Although he was passionate about the lush green and mountainous terrain of his hometown of Nelson B.C., he became a bit adventurous at the age of a spry 150 and decided to pursue his lifelong desire to head south to the U.S. of A. There he made a second successful living in Utah as a toymaker. He met and married Melissa, and with her, started the toy company Melissa and Doug.

After the passing of Melissa, he yearned for his hometown and returned to Canada. Never satisfied in one location for long, and at a creaky age and barely continent, he fled to the U.S. again. Since the Patriot Act was passed, paperwork was more carefully evaluated at the border. Feeling rushed after a long life, he decided to hop the fence. A real fence. In the last two decades of his life, the U.S. had been entirely encircled with an electrified chain link fence. The unfortunate confluence of his age-related bladder problems, having just smoked a bit and crossing the fence led to his demise. He urinated on the fence and the shock raced back and ...

He knew how to rile even the border patrol. He and his crazy spirit will be sorely missed. Farewell Lord Michale.

Samantha "Samy" Wright, 18

Ms. Samantha "Samy" Wright 18 of the quirky-cool Grants Pass Oregon will be reincarnated - eventually - as a Siberian tiger. She was taken from her hometown at a tender young age when her skull was crushed as a tragic result of a parachute malfunction while base jumping in the Rogue Valley area. Her corpse drifted down the Rogue River until it was snagged in the rapids where it was discovered by a tour of whitewater rafting nuns. They said a Rosary immediately.

Samantha was a vivacious participant in her school's color guard. She was especially adept at twirling flags. Hardly pretentious, but she couldn't resist showing her skills by spinning sabers and rifles on occasion. She became so good at her discipline, she became a well-respected coach. "She didn't just lead, she inspired." remarked several of her trainees. She was also on track to begin studies at the University of California this Fall where she would pursue a broad range of studies to learn "lots about lots" without being too narrowly bound intellectually. She loved to learn.

Her love of learning was rivaled only by her passion for bringing fun to others, even when it was sometimes challenging to do so. Taking friends out to dance, snowboard or shopping were daily routines for Samy. She and her friends always had memorable times.

Looking back on her brief but special life, she was happy to know how many lives she touched and made better by her existence. She only wished she could appreciate how special the gifts she brought to this life were. She will be missed by many.