Monday, April 17, 2006

William Starr Moake II, 68, Wildman

William Starr Moake II, affectionately known as "Wakiki Willie" to young tourist women whom he tried to seduce from his beer-soaked seat at beachfront sidewalk cafes in Honolulu, died yesterday at the age of 68.

Moake was found slumped over his computer keyboard at his home, a gecko-infested apartment in the Chinatown district of Honolulu. The monitor displayed Windows "blue screen of death" and police theorized Moake suffered a fatal seizure while trying to reboot his operating system. An autopsy was scheduled to determine which blood vessel in his brain had burst.

Moake was the author of three published fiction books which sold a combined total of 16 copies during his lifetime. Immediately after he passed away, a Hollywood producer optioned one novel for a film starring Brad Pitt.

Moake is survived by a former wife, two children (that he knew of), an unknow number of grandchildren, and debts to several businesses in Honolulu amounting to $61,395. He will be buried in the Pauper's Cemetery on the rainy side of Diamond Head crater.

6 condolences:

Susan @ YOW said...

I hate to say it, but if he had been using a Mac this all could have been avoided. So sad...

Anonymous said...

Susan, you like my writing, you really like my writing.

(Picture me as Sally Field in drag.)

Susan @ YOW said...

Oh yes, "Sally". As a matter of fact, I bought several of those 16 books. But you died with all that debt, frankly I'm shocked.

Anonymous said...

Be sure to hang on to the copies of my books you bought. Some day they could be worth their weight in gold -- on the principle that scarcity determines value.

About the debts, what can I say except Hawaii is THE most expensive state in the U.S.? At least I died knowing the bloodsuckers never got their money.

Susan @ YOW said...

Oh I will hang on to those copies. I hope you lived a long, full life! RIP

p.s. Hawaii is expensive but at least it's beautiful (from the pictures I've seen). NJ is becoming insanely expensive, but sadly, not so beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Das you died on me? Left me no money?You son of a Bi·&%·% gary valls

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