Michelle, 293, Strong Charitable Woman of the Ages

Michelle at the age of approximately 85

Michelle, 293 glorious years of age was finally taken by the angels in the evening, Thursday, November 13 the year 2008 ad.

Michelle was unfortunately eaten by a pack of rabid dingos while traveling in the uninhabited desert of southern Austraillia. The specific cause of death is still unknown, but irrelevant. Her remains were converted to ash before sunset of the same day as the attack.

She is preceded in death by four dingos who fell in the battle, her great grandmother who trained her in the art of the sword fighting, two uncles and three cats.

For fourteen years, Michelle worked as a guide leading unintelligent people through the wilderness. She once fought off wild boars to save a group of elderly people who were backpacking in India. Another time, her bravery was demonstrated when she fought a crocodile to save a small child who had come too close and wanted to look at its teeth. Michelle worked in numerous occupations throughout her 293 years. Perhaps the most memorable was her stint as a pirate where she pillaged and plundered as she sailed around the Pacific.

She was passionate about kayaking, climbing, backpacking, rock climbing, and wind surfing.

At her ceremony, her family proudly spoke of her successful journey to the center of the earth which was completed at the grand old age of 104; at 28, she replicated the journey of Bilbo Baggins and fought off numerous orcs and trolls.

A tad of guilt will follow her since she forgot to give her dog its supper a day prior to her death. Perhaps it was him who told the dingos to go on the rampage; no one will never know.