King Jonas Arthur Cloud Tip, 37

King Jonas Arthur "Ping Pong" Cloud Tip, 37, from Ethete swam to the Heavens of the Riverton Aquatic Center. The always mischievous King Tip lifted a pack of cigarettes (he didn't even smoke) from the Pitstop, was chased by the clerk, slipped on some black ice and collided into a speeding school bus. He was dead on impact.

He was preceded in death by his two cousins, J.P. Brown and Romulus; he is survived by his faithful beagles, Ping and Pong.

A savant and wealthy, his still worked as a paper boy. Delivering papers in the pre-dawn hours allowed him time to think of new ideas for his novels. On the other side of the daylight hours, he enjoyed hanging out in the evening smoking pinters and getting drunk on Wild Turkey with his cousins. Considered by many to be absolutely brilliant, his time spent writing was fruitless. He never finished a novel.

His characters will miss never having been fully developed.